Peeling Away the Onion Skins. My journey.

Several years back, there were several questions that made me want to start a serious study of the Bible.  I had always been interested in spiritual things for as long as I could remember, but I never believed that every religious belief could be right.  I wasn't sure exactly what was right, but I knew they couldn't all be.

I had one Grandmother who was a "praise Jesus" sort of lady.  Everything demanded a "praise Jesus" or an intensive prayer.  She eagerly and generously shared things about Jesus, and I liked that about her.  

On the other side of my family were faithful Catholics.  I attended Sunday Mass quite a few times with my grandmother on that side. However, when she left the Catholic church and joined the ranks of the "New Age" beliefs, I was taught, and thoroughly enjoyed for a time, their superficial and even dangerous teachings.

The New Age "teachings" were always presented as warm and fuzzy, and we were assured that all of the "great teachers" could be included, ie: Jesus, Buddha, Ghandi. Whoever, whatever you chose.  It was all good.  Let's not mention the fact that only a select few of any of their quotes or teachings were ever mentioned in full, and certainly nothing that instructed concrete direction.  And certainly none of the emphasized teachings from Jesus about the preaching work and spreading the good news of God's kingdom were mentioned.  Just picking and choosing of "deep thoughts", deep breathing, meditating, and thinking about....well...the 'self'...with a bit of "peace in the universe" mumbo jumbo to make it sound as if you were selflessly sharing goodwill, or something.

But really, New Age, and everything about it, is ultimately about the Self. That's why people like it.  It builds you up and makes the Self important.  Instead of teaching you to humble yourself as a servant to a higher being, it teaches you that you can do anything without guilt, because after all, that's "you", and you have secret, mysterious lessons to learn, while dancing around the universe.  It teaches you to choose your own path, instead of being led by a Grand Creator with (inconvenient) higher standards.  It teaches you to be Eve.

Since I spent so much time with this grandmother, I naturally became deeply entrenched in spiritism, analyzing dreams, calling on the "good angels", drawing energy from the universe, reading auras, crystal healing, other healings, etc. etc. etc.  After several years, a new-found friend informed me that those ways were against God's word.  This friend even showed me where in the Bible it told us this.  Even though I was having a good ol' time thinking that was I going to be a great healer and spread peace and love around the universe, I did take these words slightly serious.  At the very least, they shocked and intrigued me.  

So, through that friend and a "Christian" group at school, I joined a Christian Bible Group.  I use the terms "Christian Bible" loosely, as I don't remember a Bible ever actually being opened.  Though on a positive note, they did give me one. There were plays, little lectures, and during service at a church that the group was affiliated with, we watched a film on Jesus and his sacrifice for us, and then I said the "the little prayer" to be "saved".  I couldn't for the life of me understand why in the world I could possibly be saved just because I said a few rote words.  Especially because I hadn't actually changed anything in my life to deserve it.  I was still the same sinner performing the same sins.   

I went to that smaller church for awhile, and I visited a huge church.  It was very loud and all I got from it was that people left pumped up from the loud music, singing and praising, hands held high.  I carried away no teachings, however, that really stuck with me, and I don't remember the the Bible being opened.  It was basically, "allow the preacher to motivate you with no direction on how to use the Bible yourself".

All in all, I learned nothing through these Christian avenues except that unless I said that little prayer I would burn in a fiery hell.  So now that I said it, I wouldn't?  It simply did not sit well with me.  I didn't have to change one thing in my life and yet I was saved forever?

It didn't take me long to turn back to calling on angels, reading astrology, and practice the healing arts again. The one thing that did stick with me though was that film about Jesus.  I did remember what I learned about Jesus and his sacrifice, and despite my spiritistic antics, I eagerly shared this with others.  It was a ridiculous meld of good and evil, but of course, I was young and confused. 

Eventually, I started to peel the layers of the onion, sort of speak.  I reasoned that my long-held belief of reincarnation was ridiculous, because it didn't sit well with me that we would go around and around again just to never remember the life we lived before...much less the lessons we were supposedly supposed to learn.   It didn't sit well with me when I was told not to feel bad for the aborted babies, because they chose that destiny before they came to this life. And it definitely didn't sit well with me that murderers and criminals deserved some kind of empathy, because after all, they also chose that life before they came into this lifetime, to learn certain lessons, and the victim did as well.  Are you kidding me?  That's sickening.  And I could see no way that the sacrifice of Jesus fit into this belief of reincarnation at all.   So away I peeled that onion skin.  I threw all of that away.  I didn't yet know where I'd go when I died, but I knew I wasn't going around again.  

I slowly decided that other spiritistic things should be peeled away as well, like tarot cards, spiritistic readings, and Ouija board-type things.  Much of that had to do with those scriptures in the Bible that my past friend had shared with me years ago.  I did, however, still like the idea of my own personal angels, crystal healing, and even ghost stories (creepy, right?)...because after all, they were fun. And down a lot of avenues in life, fun wins.

It wasn't until my second child was born with a disability, and during an evening that I spent talking with him about how special he was...how his disability was there for a special reason, and how we would just have to figure out what that reason was...that I realized just how silly and unrealistic that whole belief process was. To think that he was born disabled for a "purpose", for some "mysterious reason".  Whatever. That reminded me of my past belief of "you chose this or that before you were born". Both beliefs were completely illogical, so I peeled that onion skin away.

After that, everything I believed in just sort of unraveled and the onion skins continued to fall off.  It was at this time in my life that I started to think more and more about the Bible.  I would pick it up and read bits and parts.
Many times, looking for the familiar accounts that we hear of and read to our kids.  I loved reading those parts to mine. Noah's Ark, Jonah, the things that Jesus taught.  Of course, I didn't always know right off what Jesus meant about certain things, but I'd try my best to figure it out.  And then there was the book of Revelation.  

I would again and again dive into that book, determined to figure it out.  This wouldn't be the first time.  Back in the day when my New Age lifestyle was in deep, learning about the likes of Nostradamus and Edgar Caycee, you'd hear mention of the Book of Revelation thrown into the mix. "The end" was definitely of great interest to me, but now it had even more significance.  Before, I had always questioned that if you went around and around, then when was this end? I mean, you heard about Armageddon everywhere, so what was the deal with it? Additionally, after shedding my belief in reincarnation, I was extremely interested in what really happens when you die.  Where do you really go? If there are ones that are going to be tormented or burn forever, then who are they?  But where did this Armageddon fit in?  How close are we to this end?

The other difference was that now...I had kids.  Now I needed to know for them. How would I tell them what they needed to do if I couldn't understand the prophecies of the Bible?  You see, the one constant throughout my life; the one thing that was always in the back of my mind was the Bible.  I knew from when I was young that the Bible meant something.  I knew of Jesus.  Not a lot about him, but I knew of him.  Even though my walk was on the wrong road for all of those years, I knew somewhere in the back of my mind, or maybe just felt, that the Bible was actually God's word, and now was the time I had better get to figuring it out.  

I would urge my husband, "Come on, let's figure this Book of Revelation out. It will be like a puzzle. We can do it!  How will we know not to take the 'mark' if we don't even know what it is?"  And he'd say, "People spend their entire lives trying to figure out that book. You're not going to do it."  Humorously,  I found out later, he wasn't really into puzzles.

After the long road, the long journey, and a lifetime of mistakes, I was at the part in my life that this post actually began with:

There were several questions that got me to start a serious study of the Bible.  A few of them were:

1.  I know Jesus died for us, but why did he have to die?

2.  What does the Bible really say about angels?

3.  What exactly is the Book of Revelation trying to tell us?

These were questions I wanted to know, so that I could teach my kids.  Of course, other questions were on my mind as well, like what God really expects of us, Jesus's parables, and would Jesus really approve of Christmas?

I prayed long and hard.  I cried tears asking God to show me what was real.  I couldn't figure that book out, and by golly, I needed to know!  I didn't want my kids to burn forever in a fire!  I needed to know what to tell them.

And that is when my life changed.  That is when the Truth set me free, just as Jesus said it would.  That is when everything I thought I knew was changed, and everything I wanted to know was answered.  And yes, I shed the wrong beliefs that New Age teaches you about angels, the crystal healing, and the infatuation with ghosts. There are no ghosts.  They're called demons (and that's scary).  

I know now that I don't have to fear my kids or myself to burn forever in a fire, but we do need to be aware of our relationship with our Creator and his Son. We do need to know what our Father in Heaven expects of us, and also how to follow in the footsteps of our perfect King, Christ Jesus.  This isn't something that we say a little prayer, we're saved, and our journey is complete; but rather an ongoing journey, loyal, long-suffering, and rewarding.  A journey that we endure until the race is finally over, but with our Father holding our hand, leading the way.

It wasn't the prayer that the Christian group of years ago taught me to repeat that changed my life.  That prayer did nothing.  It was the true, heartfelt prayer that I prayed to our Loving Father, in the name of his Son, years later, asking for direction, and crying out that I cannot know what to do on my own.  It is the prayer that one prays when they are desperate, lost, and yearning for truth, finally humbling themselves in front of the true God. That was the prayer that was answered. That is the prayer he will always answer, because he loves us, and he wants us all to know the Truth.

John 8: 31, 32- “If you remain in my word, you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”